Title: way of Lost Dreams (Passion - Two Years Later)
Fandom: Buffy - The Vampire Slayer
Author: Kathy
Date: 05/2000
Genre: from 12?
Rights: All Rights to the television series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and its characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television Network.
The story was the sheer fun of the series and to write. It is used for commercial purposes. My only reward is hopefully a lot of nice feedback.
Category: BtVS / feelings
Characters: Giles
Spoiler: second Season "Passion"
content : Giles' feelings two years later, after Jenny's death.
Comment: After the repetition of "Passion" was on TV and I had to find more and more, how sad is this episode, I could not help but write it down here easily. No idea how many tissues I've used it already, but certainly not the last.
Feedback: .... I would be very happy: o)
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* way of lost dreams - Passion - Two years later *
***
In good kind souls of true pain,
what might be its cause, always forever.
And if you claim
that the time or other circumstances will reduce it,
are the words, the weak
only have validity for the sensation.
Wilhelm von Humboldt
***
rain drummed on the window. It was an unusual morning for the otherwise sunny days in Sunnydale, the place with the friendly name on the edge of hell. When he awoke in the morning and heard the rain, it was even heavier heart. He had been afraid the whole week, the last days before that day. Before that day with the memories caught up with him again when he just closed his eyes and even after two years, even as painful.
with narrowed eyes, he pulled the blanket over his head and hoped to sleep easy again can. This day with all its memories too sleepy simply in order not to over and over again to remember. But it was not, the fatigue was gone and the reality was inevitable next to his bed. It would certainly stay was a simple lie, but that there was no better. Heaven, he was a man in his mid forties and behaved like a frightened child. He could not year after year on this day is buried somewhere, just not having to face the pain. Abruptly, he threw the blanket and stood up. Oh, that was a bit fast. His blood pressure dropped a moment in the cellar and the cycle signaled that he was no longer the youngest. The everyday activities like showering and having breakfast this morning were from more motor and also wanted the buns do not taste it so well. It is still raining outside and the overcast sky had to indicate any improvement. Lost in thought he played with the bun in his hand, wondering how he would survive this day, probably the best. Last year on her first death he had had at least still work in the library, but now after his hunter went to college and his beloved library debris only and ash was, there was nothing where he was able to allay his thoughts. Frowning he put the bread aside, stirring his tea had become cold. He felt lonely and a bit lost. He had not presented his life. He also once had dreams of a family that had children, but the appeal was always in the foreground and something of a personal life, time for hopes and wishes were not easy. Not that he regretted his past life, no not at all. He only wished it were in some ways different. He Jenny in a place at a different time and, all know, under other circumstances would have learned. Then they might have a chance, had a future and would not have been separated so painful, inescapable from each other. Why did she have to tell him then not until that day what she felt for him? Although he had been aware of it internally and it is also so desperately wanted, so he had not have thought, never hoped to venture that such a woman could love him. And then when she told him, with an embarrassed gesture as she herself was shocked by her frankness, he could only smile at them instead to hug. Oh how he hated himself for it. After all, he had forgiven her for some time, but just not found the courage to tell her and then it was too late. Why could the fate be so cruel and unpredictable?
In the meantime, he had indeed moved the furniture in his bedroom, if not always the same image from that time have in mind when he Stairs came up. But it did not help much. This image was burned in his brain and some nights he preferred to stay on the couch and slept there, as these stairs to climb to the top.
Gradually gathering and the gloomy thoughts tried to push away, he took a sip of his tea. Ugh ... cold tasted this black tea is not really. The dishes piled up, he brought everything into the kitchen and poured the tea into the sink. For a moment he looked thoughtfully brown liquid after they disappeared into the sewer. As though all this was transitory.
The sound of rain tore it out of his mind and decided to go despite this crappy weather out. The weather fit his mood, and here in his apartment he found only the ceiling anyway on the head. He decided to cast his coat, grabbed the umbrella and stepped outside. Although it was raining it was not necessarily cold, the air smelled fresh and somehow it was even pleasant. For this reason, he just decided to leave the car and seek out its intended destination on foot. He knew the cemetery was almost at the other end of town and he would take a while before he got there, but he was no more obligations and the whole day at his disposal, like all the other days also. Targeted he ran off. Crossed the crossroads where his car off and just gave up the ghost and sometimes stopped by the office move was. He passed the store where Buffy and they had destroyed the judge and at the donut shop where Xander got always the delicious things with jelly filling. A few blocks away, he stood near the High School. Some students even seemed to know him and saluted. Astonished, he looked after them, because their faces were not known to him. A construction company was still in the process the remains of the explosion of a year ago to clean up and he wondered if ever again at this point probably a library would be built. Probably would be a large, highly visible Sign "CAUTION Abyss" much more appropriate, he thought smiling to himself.
The raindrops pattered still down and spraying him by his shield in the face. A little further away, he saw the cars of the teachers are. Director's parked in the parking lot of a new vehicle. Yes, what did he expect? Principal Snyder had the little gnome can even taste the mutated mayor and now it was only normal that the body was otherwise occupied. For a moment he thought of the little argument in Snyder's office and was thinking how much fun he made of this pears to push males on the wall. But even he did not deserve to die like the throat of a monster that no one deserved. With a final farewell glance in the direction of high school, he went on. More and more he withdrew from school and after some time he came to the restaurant by the Jenny and he was eating again. The blinds were let down, the menu box was empty and otherwise left it looked pretty. On the door hung a sign "FOR SALE". Breathing heavily, he ran around it and buried these memories deep in its interior. A thought flashed past him. 'Who knows why it was closed? But it is probably better, because there was no way into at least put up there and ... "Shaking his head, he pushed his spectacles on his nose. What did he do it? Why is he worried incessantly itself?
The long main street was almost reached to end and the graveyard. A small flower shop had existed even during lunch time on the decoration and almost all of Valentine's Day flower arrangements. When he entered the shop, he came to meet an older, friendly, smiling lady. "Ah, the young man looks to be something for his heart queen. How about a bouquet of beautiful, long-stemmed red roses? "Also friendly, smiling and a little amused at the old traditional, customer-friendly form of address young man, he shook with the head. No, he did not want red roses, not now and probably never again. His eye fell on a beautiful pink orchid, which seemed exactly to express the longing that he felt right now. The elderly lady looked surprised at him as he opted for this orchid, but kept their comments to as they are discovered, the sadness in his eyes. When she saw it as the way to the cemetery struck, they sounded itself for its cheeky tongue. But around Valentine's Day did so many love flowers, that they could not expect.
The big iron gate to the cemetery was closed, but it was opened with strong pressure. In this weather, of course, no one got lost on her here and he was alone. That it was only right, because he hated the questioning looks that one has often been thrown in such places. As if you did not have enough to do with himself, than to break even on other people mourning their head. With the orchid in his hand, he left the paved road and went to her grave. The grass was pushed through by the many rainy and his footprints were left in the ground. His shoes sucked on the wet and he felt like it was wet. But of this he did not interfere. Targeted he went on. The grave stone had already weathered a bit and also the inscription looked slightly gray. The time left its mark.
the shield folded crouched in the grass sticking he is next to the grave. The rain ran cold in the neck, the glasses were sprayed and his pants were wet. All this did not interest him, because for a moment she was not only in thought with him. For a moment he felt it very firmly in his heart and warmth filled him.
But the recurring question WHY was haunted in his head. The answer he did not know. What he did was not passing the pain. He prevented himself not to cry out. He tasted the rain mixed with the salt on his lips. As long as he forbade the tears and now it was almost like a relief, a relief.
Slowly, gently he put the orchid on the ground. Before he got back, he gently stroked with a finger as a parting of the flower. Farewell ...
Then he left without once looking at the grave. The screen folded, he ran in the rain back home. The hair stuck in his face, the coat began to let the moisture through it and gave his shoes squeaking noises. There was even an entire end to his apartment and probably would then be anything more to dry him, but he willed it so. He was care. He wanted to feel the rain and wash the sadness of it, but he knew it would not work so easy, not today and not tomorrow. Maybe someday, but right now the sadness was simply stronger than him. It was not in his power to resist that. And he was not sure if he should try and really wanted to, because the pain was the only reality of what he did to her.
***
can be large and deep pain and yet have
so do not feel unhappy, because we feel this pain
so connected with the very essence,
that one would not separate him from himself.
Wilhelm von Humboldt
> END \u0026lt;
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